In honor of the fast-waning month of January, I wanted to address Step 1 and the paradox of embracing powerlessness as a way to manifest a much greater destiny.
It’s a head-scratcher.
When I first entered recovery, I was 100% convinced I had a problem that I could not resolve on my own. I had tried everything. I didn’t need more practice. So, admitting I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable was a cake walk. But I didn’t have a clue about what that admission would do for me. I also didn’t realize for a long while that the first step applies to virtually anything that troubles me. For me, it is a fill-in-the blank with endless right answers.
I am powerless over other people. I am powerless over natural disasters, death, taxes. I am powerless over the bug that kept me from blogging for over a month. I am powerless to extinct the disease that got me into the rooms in the first place. Where the mind-twist comes in is trying to rectify this with the fact that I do have free-will choice—along with some decent skills and a penchant for “making things work”. Isn’t that a form of power? If I say I am powerless, does that mean I am off the hook and can now be a listless schlub, waiting for a good fairy (or other people) to come fix everything for me? Well, no. Not exactly.
I am, indeed, powerless over all people, places and things. Super bugs, storms, pushy humans—everyone/everything has its own prime directive. However, by working the steps and practicing what is suggested, I have developed a way to connect to a power source much greater than my onboard human battery could ever muster. Now I have uncovered my internal port that can connect my core being to the source energy I identify as my higher power. I just couldn’t see it while numbed out and living in a persistent cloud of self-centered fear. Some people call it a heart connection. I may not be that evolved yet. For me, it’s a gut feeling, somewhere around my solar plexus. That is where God talks to me when I take a breath, let it out, and open the dialog.
For this recovering human, if I couple surrender with connection to spirit, I feel like a team of giants has my back. Where my limited imagination sees inevitable and horrifying outcomes, my source provides workable solutions. In some of my greatest moments of fear, I have been expertly rescued by hope and possibility. It’s very hard to explain in words but I promise you, it’s for real. Like many a skeptic, I was not raised with faith and I need to see it to believe it. Well, it’s taken some time and a lot of examples but I finally get it.
When I do the work (ALL of it) I get results. I can plug in and ask for help, stay open, and allow myself to be guided. I am consistently blown away by the power available to me through that connection. I am, you are, we are all incredibly powerful when we are willing to put aside the false power of ego and connect our true selves to that “one that has all power”.
That said, the connection is entirely contingent on my level of willingness and engagement. I hold no delusion that I’m cured of all defects of character and will now be 100% on it. But at least now I trust my higher power to be ready when I am. Whenever I surrender and ask for help, that bad-ass, brilliant plot-twist, infinite power source will be there. No questions asked, like we just chilled together yesterday. The truest form of love, just there.
Now, that’s powerful.
Mad love to ya,